howtoprotectkidsfromchildmolesters.com Blog

If a forty-five year-old adult wants to have sex with a thirteen-year-old, most people would find this objectionable. But when the adult is a woman, and the child is a young teen boy, some would consider this a rite of passage, rather than a sex crime.

In fact, 1500 women are in prison in the U.S. for molesting children, usually boys. They share many of the same personality characteristics of male sexual predators, including poor coping skills, relationship difficulties, cognitive distortions and an inability to empathize with victims. They also feel a connection to children because their personalities have not matured beyond an early adolescent stage.

Should female sex offenders receive more lenient or different treatment than male sex offenders? Are they more or less likely to respond to prevention programs as inmates? Because there has been relatively little research on this group, there are few answers currently available. 

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In a middle school, a popular teacher was about to retire, with lots of festivities planned, when a former student wrote to the principal and accused the teacher of sexual offenses. The police investigated and turned up almost a hundred additional child victims. The parents, administrators, faculty and community leaders were all shocked that a professional of such reputation could commit such crimes. But the kids knew. They told authorities that they knew not to go to the teacher’s room alone, and never after school, and never, ever on the field trips that were so popular.

Children usually know who the sexual predators are in a community. But generally they tell no one. They may learn to stay away from the adult criminal, often as a result of being molested, but they usually keep the dark secret to themselves. It is only the adults in the community who are ignorant, for the children and the predators often know each other.

Sex crimes that target kids horrify most healthy adults.  But there is damage beyond the obvious sexual that children suffer when they are the victims of forced sexual activity within the family, where a large number of these crimes occur. In families, child victims become part of a complicated and psychopathic family structure that is based on deception, fear, guilt and exploitation of others for personal gain. In these circumstances, parental teaching and discipline deteriorate because the goal of child-rearing, which is to produce happy, healthy adults, becomes subordinated to the criminal needs of an adult psychopath. Children in these families are bribed or threatened or both, and forced by shame to remain silent about their plight. The bond of trust between parents and kids is destroyed, and instead, a child’s most intimate relationship is with an adult criminal, his best buddy.

Given these circumstances, it is easier to understand the high rates of substance abuse, depression and suicidal ideation among victims of child sexual abuse, for these kids lose their parents in the systemic context of these crimes.

In the current climate of high rates of sex crimes against children, the effect on males is a concern. Many men fear that normal affection to a child could be construed as child molesting, with dire consequences to follow. In fact, most decent citizens have no idea of the details of these crimes, and the line between normal affection and sexual assault is clear and identifiable. What’s more, the conclusion that a sex crime has been committed is always made by trained law enforcement professionals when charges are brought, so the likelihood of error is small.

As parents become better informed about sex crimes, they are less likely to fear unfair accusations. And then fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles and brothers will be reassured about their attachment to children.

The Amber Alert on 4-8-2008 has ended in the rescue of a five year old boy by Albany police. The boy had been taken from School 16 in Albany at the end of his school day by his mother’s estranged boyfriend, Angel Valle. The man has since been charged in Albany City Court with second degree unlawful imprisonment, unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and endangering the welfare of a child. The boy, who was uninjured, was reunited with his mother.

The light-up signs on the Adirondack Northway in New York State were flashing a message yesterday:

Child Abducted, White Chevy, DAA1219

Somewhere, parents and relatives, shocked and horrified, were waiting for word of a missing youngster. Amber Alerts are used only when an abduction has occurred, and they have been helpful in finding kids and returning them to their families. Sometimes perpetrators have become aware that they are being tracked, and they release their victims.

The White Chevy is somewhere and a child’s life hangs in the balance.

Bullying is a problem in most schools, and excellent programs, such as those developed by Rita Toews (http://www.domokos.com/rita.html), provide educational approaches and materials that can help children who are victimized and can help bullies learn more effective social skills.

Bullying can also involve sexual exploitation, because children are a vulnerable population and can be the targets of many types of intimidation. Forty percent of sexual predators are themselves minors, usually teenagers, so when children learn to protect themselves from bullies, they can also develop techniques to avoid sexual abuse from older kids.

Research by David Finkelhor’s group at the Crimes Against Children Research Center indicate that youths who are victimized online are generally not ignorant about online risks. Other research by the same group finds that surveys of parents indicate that they have provided information to kids, although kids’ survey responses say that they have little information from parents.

The characteristics of young people that make them vulnerable online are the same as those that make them vulnerable offline: immaturity, inexperience and impulsiveness. The young teen who is likely to go joyriding with young men she meets at the mall is also likely to become involved in sexual conversations online.

This suggests that educational approaches to youth protection might more productively focus on teaching kids how to identify criminal sexual behavior, healthy sexual behavior and child pornography. Targeting the most vulnerable adolescents would likewise be protective.

Young children generally love to spend time with older ones, perhaps because there is a common language and understanding, or maybe its just fun to be around somebody your own size. Children’s play is an excellent way for kids to learn social rules and to develop a sense of fair play.

But parents need to be aware of kids’ activities when they play together, particularly when there are older children involved. Most parents know intuitively that large differences in size and maturity may not lead to cooperative play, but the same power differences can put small children at risk.

Forty percent of sexual predators are themselves minors, and it appears that may adult offenders begin their predatory acts in the adolescent years. Young children are protected when parents insist that everybody keep their hands to themselves, that there are no secrets and no sex talk, and that everybody stays dressed in children’s play.